"From the String"

I had lunch with my darling friend Sara the other day and she was talking about her stint in a professional orchestra. This was the same job that worked her so hard she'd look down at her clothes to see if they were black because then she'd know she was about to play a concert. Anywhatchamajiggy...thanks for sharing your tale from the trenches, Sara.

We were playing a Mozart Divertimento without conductor (in a full-time, professional orchestra). As such, everyone had equal rights to make comments, etc. One movement started with the 1st violins playing slow spiccato stuff and it was a big mess. In our quest to actually play together (what a concept!), one of the cellists suggested that we should make sure to start it from the string, to which the concertmaster replied, “No, if we do that it will never be together. At least if we start up here (holding his bow several inches above the string) and drop, we’ll have a chance of being together.” I’m quoting verbatim… can’t make this stuff up!

I love that story. Sometimes you wonder what draws someone to music when it's not shall we say a natural aptitude. I think of little episodes all the time that have happened in this wonderful musical odyssey which is my life. I was playing a recital at a university and there was a poster telling people about the recital. Someone scribbled on the poster, "What's the difference between a violin and a viola? A violin burns faster." How COULD THEY?! How could someone hurt me so much after I practiced for months preparing that recital! MONTHS! And here it was now reduced to a joke for someone. They were trying to make me a LAUGHING STOCK! I bet they didn't even COME to the recital. I bet they had never even HEARD the Cesar Franck Sonata! EVER! Or any major work from the violin literature! It's astonishing! Who looks foolish now Mr. Scribbles-On-Posters-Which-Don't-Even-BELONG-To-You?! I bet you don't even REMEMBER this episode from your salad days! I bet it was one of many little shenanigans and pranks and Tom Foolery you pulled during your college years. Ho Ho ho. What a shame, I say. What a waste of time! Who's laughing now? (Well, yeah. Who IS laughing now?) Well Mr. Funnybone maybe you've awakened since then to a higher purpose than sabotaging innocent violin recitals!!!!

OK so I'm kidding about all that but it's fun to rant. I had something else to say. Oh. There's this ad for Girls Inc. which is about empowering young girls and giving them confidence to follow their dreams. Great except that the ad shows all these little girls throwing paper airplanes off a building. What's that about? "We're girls and we don't mind LITTERING!"? I just thought it seemed a little off for the era we're in now where the whole planet can feel like a trash heap. I'm all for girl's feeling empowered and their rights and all but littering? Lame. Well lemme know what you think. Send me you stories. Love ya lots...

Olympaholic and proud of it!

Greetings Earthlings! I'm still here and alive and kickin'. I just am a creature of habit and got in the habit of not writing in my blog this last month. Was it that I didn't have anything to say? That never stopped me before! HA! Why did I quit stand-up when I've clearly got the funny bone?! Oh me oh my oh on the bayou. So I also didn't write because of the Olympics. I blame those beautiful athletes! Damn them! Any spare moment I had I watched those lugers, and skiers, and snowboarders and ice skaters but NOT ice dancers (no thanks I'll pass) anyway I just couldn't stop watching it. I had that VCR hummin' for two weeks! YES VCR!!!! This DVR thing is never going to catch on, ok? I actually bought a turntable in the 80's because I thought cd's would never make it. You also can only reach me by rotary phone or telegram if you must. Oh! I'm having such fun with this. I come from technologically-challenged parents (or technologically-uninterested parents) but I must revise the stories about them because they have an answering machine now. They HAVE cel phones! They have a COMPUTER!!! These were parents who up until just recently could pass for Amish. But where am going with this on this Friday morning?

I'm celebrating because I've just added up all the piddly receipts of my so-called life for my tax appointment this afternoon. It's all very sweet. The place where I've gone for many years now to get my taxes done feels really nice. It's like a Denver classic or something. The woman who started the business passed away this last year and I was sad to hear it. I would be in with Kathy who was working on my taxes and Jeannie would come in and say, "Do you have a Cincinnati form?" On the walls were pictures of musicians who all have had nightmare gigs from hell but were still smilin' through and appreciated getting their taxes done at Jeannie's. There are also bumper stickers which say "Avaholic" and "Broncoholic". I love it!

So I was in Kansas and that's about all I have to say about that. The university where the group I was with was performing had signs with a gun and slash through it and a cigarette and a slash through by every entrance. Both can kill you to be sure but are there that many guns around that they have say politely, "Please leave your rifle in the car, Johnny, when you come into class."? Yikes. I saw that "no guns allowed" sign a lot of places.

It reminded me of when I was driving to Colorado from LA,I spent the night in this remote town in Utah. First of all the lady at the hotel stared at me when I came in because she was like, "Where's you're husband?" What she actually said was, "We don't get a lot of ladies travelin' alone out here." OK. I'll make a note of that. CREEPY. So the next morning as I was preparing to leave and was out by my car this guy comes over and says, "Where ya headed?" I said, "Colorado." (You know. Keep it a little vague because who the heck IS this guy?) He then says, "I never head out on these remote roads without a gun." I wondered, "For what? In case you see an endangered species?" He's basically telling me I need a gun to protect myself from someone like HIM! Well I headed out and the rest as they say is history.

I had some good steak in KS which is no surprise. Next to every highway are the sweet little cows grazing innocently wondering, "What happened to my aunt, my uncle, my MOM? (cow voice) "One day I was just eating some grass and then when I turned around they were gone and you know what THAT means! Rancher Dave has me eating grass all day long but as soon I get big enough and start really learning I get put on a truck and you know what THAT means! I might be ground up into a million pieces for a hamburger or they might make me into a steak appetizer that they wrap around asparagus with some sort of savory sauce or even beef jerky. But if you enjoyed me as a hamburger or filet mignon I guess it was all worth it!"

OK maybe you had to be there but we had some good laughs on that. No I'm not a vegetarian. Even after a story like that. There was a woman a few years ago who changed her name legally to GoVeg.com. I wondered how she's doing? Anyway thanks for reading. Stay cute'n crazy!